When a trans person tells you it’s okay for mistakenly using the wrong name or pronouns, it means the instance is forgiven or dismissed and the conversation can move on. In reality, it still hurts but we say it’s okay because we understand you are making an effort to get it right. This is not an invitation to stop making that effort. You are not the exclusion to the rule.
This is why I wear my nametag at work religiously. The produce department I work in doesn’t need it and they are awesome, but some of my other coworkers are just plain inattentive or not really trying. Maybe because we’re little more than acquaintances, they don’t feel obligated to make the effort? I don’t know.
I have found tapping on my nametag with a quiet pause to be more effective than the whole “It’s ‘he’ but that’s okay” routine, (or whatever you might be). The tedium of correcting people is exhausting - first in one direction reminding them they are wrong, and then turn around and run them the other way ensuring them that no, I’m not upset, you’re forgiven… it feels a lot like shepherding and I’d rather just get on with resolving my own situation.
We have to do a lot of work to change ourselves, we do a lot of work getting the help to realize it. We do a lot of work helping you, friends, family, coworkers, to understand the basics of our situation (some of us, anyway. Some of us don’t have the energy or the resources to explain these things to everyone who looks confused). We need help too. Help from medical folks and therapists who make the big changes, and help from regular folks too, with some of the smaller ones like names. Trying to use our preferred pronouns helps others catch on what to call us too, and that means a lot to us.
Ever tried to get people to call you some contrived nickname, only to have it not ‘take’ because everyone already knows you? This is what trans people do. Except it feels more like trying to kill the nickname in favour of a more real one. And it’s hard to do on our own.